Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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