That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
