Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
