We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
