so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
