I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
