I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
