Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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