Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
