it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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