drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
