why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
