I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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