I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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