don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
