If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Welp...herpes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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