the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
