if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
