as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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