Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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