apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
