If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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