franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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