Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
