I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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