similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
