I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
