1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
