Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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