your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
