my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am full of burrito and curiosity
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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