The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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