Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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