Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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