u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have demons in me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
