i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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