Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
