3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
