I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
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I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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