found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize