I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
