hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
