I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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