Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
