I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
