his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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