dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Porn is love you can see.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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