Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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