Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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