just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
