So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So much rum. So many feels.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
