me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish i was in the wii world.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
