first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
