I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
