Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
