I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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