Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
