College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
