If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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