Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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