So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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