You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
