i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
