Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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