Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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