I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
