great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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