I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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