awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
