Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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