I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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