That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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