people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
