I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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