I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
