Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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